Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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