Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
