I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my poor anus
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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