i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
this is an emotional support booty call
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
