then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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