it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
