So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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