That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
