she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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