Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
