would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
