just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
