i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize