He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
