I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
