I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
