well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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