Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
