i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drake has all the answers
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
