The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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