im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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