a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
