You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need to calm my uterus...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
