like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
