my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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