Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
