I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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