wrigley field is MILF paradise
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize