There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
