Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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