drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
