Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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