Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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