you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
