mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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