I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Of course I have a pirate flag
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
