Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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