you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
