I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
