I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
