idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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