I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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