Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
