when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
