i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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