I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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