Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
