so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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