the condom got lost in my hair
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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