I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
