This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
