He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
