LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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