Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
