Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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