He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
