wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..