I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She bit a glass in half.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
