I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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