I'm jealous of your bromance
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
