Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
