he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
