Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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