If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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