I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
