I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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