She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am puke
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
