just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
