her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
