My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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