What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
