Don't you send me to vm
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
