Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
